give it up.

I am selfish.

There's no denying it. But why has it taken me so long to admit it?

I'm selfish with the things that I love the most. I guess you could call it idolatry. It most certainly is.

I notice this idolatry most when I share my loves with people. Or when I invite others to enter into my life. It's actually quite ridiculous. Dangerous might be a better word.

Let's consider for a moment the things that I love the most. Jesus. My church. My closest friends. What a danger it is to be selfish with these types of things. How damaging it would be to the Kingdom of God if I were to begin keeping these things for myself and only sharing the things that I hold less dear. These things have my heart, but if I begin to think that they have my heart alone, I am getting dangerously close to putting myself on the throne. Dangerously close. So close that I might already be on it.

Father, I repent of this idolatry and selfishness. I repent, and although I want to continue to hoard these things, I want even more for your glory to be revealed through my obedience and faithfulness. I want your character to be revealed in this world through my acts of selflessness and generosity which are only brought about by Your Spirit graciously working in me.

Help me to trust in the sufficiency of You alone. Help me to let go of my tight grip on these very good things and begin to willingly offer them to other people. Help me to find joy in watching other people delight in the things in which I delight. Help me not to think of these things as belonging to me. By Your grace, they are blessings in my life. Help me to trust that others loving these things doesn't make them less a part of my life, and help me not to care even if it did make them less a part.

What if I began to completely hoard the things which I love the most. Jesus. My church. My closest friends. How could I be an instrument of displaying God's glory and goodness and holiness and faithfulness if I was not willing to share Him. Or His body. Or His instruments in my life.

What if I gave all that I had to the poor, sacrificed all of my material possessions for the sake of the "less fortunate." What if I gave away everything that I had and yet selfishly held onto these three things in my heart--Jesus, church, friends. If I gave all but these away, I would be turning my so-called Christ-like life into something similar to a game show. Meaningless, substanceless prizes being given away while crowds watch in awe. And the producer backstage making millions.

Father, I confess that loving you has become a competition that I want to win. Not for your sake, but for my own. Help me to want to win for your sake alone. Continue to help me to pursue You. Continue to help me to know You. Continue to help me to love You and to serve You and to share You. Father, I want to continue to pursue this prize, but it needs to be about YOU. Your glory. Your honor. Your fame. Your greatness.

By Your grace, Father. And for Your glory. Thank you for forgiving me. In Jesus' name alone I am made righteous. And in Jesus' name I pray.