compelled to declare

God is stirring something in me. Something which has never been stirred before. And, for once, I'm not as scared as I thought I would be. For once I'm seeing through bigger eyes. And I'm not afraid.

God has been calling me to proclaim Him.

Why now? Only God knows, but I'm encouraged to find out that I am willing. Not eager, but willing. The Lord still has much work to do in my heart and in my hands that I might obey Him fully. But I am still deeply grateful for the work that the Lord has accomplished in me. I have fought it with everything, and yet He has proven powerful and faithful and good throughout.

I have never been a proclaimer. I've been, at best, a nice avoider. I've never given credit or glory to the only Good in my life, in order to avoid.....what? I don't even know. Probably a fear of change in reputation? Fear of what people would think or say or do has always compelled me to stay silent or even to lie. And even now, I am finding that I wrestle with glossing over the truth in order to continue "building bridges" into peoples' lives. But for what benefit? That they might like me more and more and then die and be eternally damned? What a ridiculously stupid, proud, selfish, short-sighted, faithless, arrogant, fearful, sinful way to live. I repent, Lord, change me.

In the past few weeks, God has been working deep down in me the seriousness of this life and the seriousness of the importance of being found in Christ. I don't know exactly what has spurred this on, but I'm thankful for the shift in perspective. I'm thankful that I'm beginning to see truth and the great victory and destruction which is coming. I'm learning how to hear the groanings of the earth in the simple talk of those around me--especially in those who are perishing. I'm beginning to see the despair, the very grace which God has given us in this broken world...this world which is hopeless without His abundant hope. And there is abundant hope. But there is utter despair as well, and many people don't have a grasp of the idea of hope and, therefore, cannot even begin to feel the reality of their despair. Despair and frustration and anger and futility is their reality, and there are highs and lows within that reality. The days which don't seem quite as futile are good days, but those days can't compare with even my most seemingly futile days. Because my reality is hope and rich purpose.

I've begun to really weep over the lost. Really weep. I've begun to see the tragedy of the fall in the lost and in the immense feelings of hopelessness that I feel when I look out into their lives. How could God ever save these people who believe such lies? How could God ever redeem this world? And I don't know how. But I know that, in ways only He understands and can carry out, He is at work to powerfully redeem this world. Understanding the greatness of the tragedy has begun to cultivate in me a new understanding of God's great power.

People need Jesus. They need restoration and hope. They need righteousness and purity. They need the fear of God and an understanding of His grace. They're dying for it. They're dying without it. They're dying hopeless and defeated, and they face eternity of even worse--no common grace to allow even good feelings. They face only eternal condemnation and wrath and evil.

Somehow this has sunk in for me. And the desperation is written on the faces of people I know and am meeting. And the blending of these two realities...inevitable damnation and the very people in front of me who are facing this...has stirred in me a compulsion to declare the name of Jesus. Or at least it has stirred in me a clear focus. Focus in prayer, focus in conversation, focus in priorities, focus in ministry. God make this focus even more clear, and give me boldness. Give me perspective. A true fear of Almighty God will be the only thing which spurs me on to this high calling, and I want to fear God as He deserves so that I will not falter.

In God there is hope. In Him there is purpose. There is life and joy and peace and eternal, perfect love. We are not alone. And for me, since I am in Christ Jesus, that is a comfort. Thank you, Jesus.